The stress of having the family dynamics changed showed itself. Â Even though I’m quite sure it is what all kids does, but i just found it more pronounced in Donald and Toria ever since Liz was born.
Donald would “disturb” Toria greatly, grab her stuff and make her chase him around the entire room. Â Toria would be screaming, which she does ever so often, she will cry and whine and scream with very little provocation and will do it the entire time that she is chasing Donald around the house. Toria, on the other hand, became more manja, whiny and sad, wanting me to do alot of things with her which I can’t cos I had put alot of attention and effort in getting Liz into a schedule. Â So with less time and patience, I’m no longer so nice and patient when I try to stop their nonsense. Â I was mostly frustrated and cross with them…
But deep inside, I know they “missed” me, and more correctly, the nicer me.
Today, I just gave up.
Donald was acting up again. Â I looked at Donald and I asked him “Donald, you miss mummy is it? Â Are you angry with mummy because I don’t have time for you?” Â He came over to me and nodded his head and cried. Â I hugged him and cried too. Â Kept saying I’m sorry to him. Â Toria came over, saw us crying, she cried too. Â So there we were, 3 of us hugging together and sobbing like babies. (Daddy quietly took his camera and captured these shoots.)
I sobbed big time, let out all the stress I’d been feeling, about getting the baby into a schedule, about not having enough time with them, and not enough emotional capacity and patience to guide them through this “difficult” time.  But I had to get Liz into a schedule, even though it is difficult now, but it will eventually free me up, giving me more predictability, to spend quality time with the older 2 kids. Â
I did it haphazardly with the older 2, so I could jolly well do it haphazardly with Liz too, sleep as and when she likes, feed as and when she likes,  all night feasting on my breasts… BUT I know, through experience, I will not be well rested, I will eventually be VERY exhausted, frustrated and thin,  such a mummy would not be beneficial for the 2 older kids too!  So it is not so much of I WANT to get Liz into a schedule, but more of a I HAVE to!  So help me God!
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this post and photo made me well up (damn PMS too). i understand the importance of scheduling too and you’re right- it really makes a world of difference for mum, babe and family.
hey man, i’ll be rooting for you in a cyber way. hope things get on the upswing soon.
oh… actually, this is why i’ve putting #3 in hold.
i was worried if i can manage, though my mum always tells me, “cross the bridge when u r there…” but how to? all these require planning… times r different.
really wonder how she could manage 4 gals within 6 years…
with no domestic help, plus bz work schedule, i really doubt i can manage 3. as it is, i already feel guilty not spending enough time with my 2 kids.
kudos, bonita…
åŠ æ²¹ï¼god will help u get thru these trying times…